Missing Aaliyah

Many times over the past 8 years since her death, I find myself thinking about Aaliyah. When celebrities die, I usually note it and move on, but ever since her untimely death on August 25th, 2001, I have felt overwhelming sadness as I reminisce about how incredibly young, beautiful, talented, vibrant and amazing she was. She accomplished so much in her short time on this earth and I simply wish she was still here to share her gifts with the world.

Here are some of my favorite Aaliyah songs. Enjoy!

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Interracial Love – Expanding My Options…

As I have mentioned many times in this blog, I LOVE MEN!!  Tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, round ones, Rich ones, Middle-class ones, etc….  Hell, I’ve even kissed a redneck or two.  LOL!!!  However, it is no secret that I have a particular preference.  Hell, even Stevie Wonder can see it.   One of the things I want to accomplish with this blog is to open people’s eyes to the possibility of opening yourself  to finding love with someone that may not look like you.   I am a Woman that is DRIVEN by having options and I’m glad that I fully exercise my option to love and to be loved by Men of all races.

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Black Women & Our Hair!

Hey Everyone. I hope all is well. I’ve been a bit quiet with the posts for the past couple of weeks. That is for a few reasons. First, I had to solve a money shortage problem, so I was a bit stressed. I spent too much damn time playing and not enough focus on handling my business and it was not pretty. I’m happy to report that I am in the beautiful flow of cash once again. Just got 4 figures deposited into the Paypal account the other day and many more deposits where that came from. Dayum, I’ll never let my situation get like that again. Mama don’t do stress! Second, I’ve been very busy with my internet marketing business. I’ve come up with an amazing product idea and I’ve been working on it. I was targeting an October launch, but I’ve decided to wait until after my birthday as I focus on finding the right JV partners to help with my launch. I also have a new amazing consulting gig in the Marketing area that has my client flying me all over the country. Ton’s of travel coming up. Also, other entrepreneurial stuff as I work toward my uber-huge financial goal to be reached by early November. A Sistah is on the Grind for the first time in over a year & a half and it feels kind of good. I had truly forgotten what working felt like. Too funny! Third, I have a new “friend” that has been keeping my attention hostage. We have been having a ball getting to know each other on a personal and professional level & I look forward to our friendship growing. Enough on that.

So, what is this talk about Black Women and our hair & what does it have to do with my travel exploits? Well, it has everything and nothing to do with my exploits. I’ll explain. As you all know, as I do not make it a secret, I wear a weave. I have done so since I was 15 years old and a Sophmore in high school. I never stopped wearing a weave until my 40th birthday 2 years ago, when I finally mustered up the courage to wear my own hair in public. It was a 3 year struggle to gain the courage to release the weave as I had become brainwashed as to what is the beauty ideal in our society, especially in the Black Community. I love the versality and the look that wearing 18-24 inches of Indian hair gives me, but as I was turning 40, it was time for a change. To be clear, I do not, nor have I ever worn a weave because I do not have hair. This is a very common misconception – that Black Women wear weaves because we are bald-headed. This is total bullshit for many of us. My own hair is super thick and past shoulder length when it is relaxed. The issue for me is that I do not have the “Barbie fullness” /Diva look that a weave gives me. Also, styling my own hair is a time consuming, expensive biyotch!! I have to go to the beauty shop weekly to look sharp. With my current weave, I have not been to the beauty shop in 6 months and I still look fierce!! Honey, I just wash and wear and watch the bouncy, curly curls appear. Yay expensive Indian Hair from Extensions Plus!!! With my own hair, it is a 3 hour ordeal of wash, dry, flat iron or curl. If I do it myself, it looks homemade and funky. Only a stylist can do it justice and that is $50.00 damn dollars and 3 hours a week in the salon chair. Dayum!!! Also, as it pertains to my worldwide travels, I cannot expect to be in some damn foreign country looking for a Black hairstylist. The only place that worked for me was during my 2 months in Paris, Summer 06, when I had the pleasure of being styled by Mr. Marc Clement. He was expensive as hell, but he hooked my custom made, Italian Silky weave up while I was there. LOL Me deciding to have 22 inches of Indian Hair installed before my Australia adventures was a huge blessing. No hair issues at all in the land of “no Black hairstylists or black hair products”. I did eventually find some, but it was after 2 damn months of searching.

As I approach 42 in the next few weeks, I am feeling the need for a major change again, so the weave is coming out again. Don’t know for how long. I’ve been inspired by Tyra Banks, who this season on her show,has decided to wear her natural hair most of the time. She has very nice natural hair, but as with me, it is no where near as thick and “Barbie like” as with her $5k lacefront wigs and weaves. There is also the hairline issue. As a longtime wearer of weaves, one of the extremely unfortunate byproducts is the thinning of or total loss of the hairline. The pulling of the sewn in or glued in hair weaves/lacefronts on the very delicate hairline causes it to disappear. I am very self-conscious about my own forehead, so you will continue to see lots of styles with bangs. Like Tyra, I’ll work to wear my own hair most of the time and the rest of the time, I’ll rock the wigs. I’m hoping to stay out of the weave until I leave the country again in late January. We’ll see. I’ll make sure to document this entire process on video and pictures so that you can experience this with me. Ya’ll will crack up when you see my HUGE, old school Michael Jackson afro when my weave is out. Total Hilarity!

Until then, enjoy the trailer for Chris Rock’s new film, ‘Good Hair’. It truly explains what we as Black
Women go thru for the sake of our hair.

Tyra Banks takes out her weave!!

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Dating in Austin Texas – My Dance Card is Always Full!!

Hi Everyone. There are two questions I get asked pretty frequently from my friends and from facebook people. The most obvious question is, “How are you making money since you don’t work?”. I politely decline to answer that one. There is an information product in that answer that will make me even more money!! LOL The 2nd question I get asked most often is, “How is your love life in Austin?”. Well, I’m happy to report that my dating life here in TX is everything I thought it would be and so much more. Allow me to explain…

In 2007, I was living in LA, single (as usual), no prospects for dates or a boyfriend and I was pretty damn sick of it. This had gone on for years. Even when I had boyfriends, they were so non-committal that I still felt single. That sucked!! I thought of all of the incredibly beautiful, intelligent, sexy, successful, cool, sane, no child having, fun women that were in my circle – and there were tons of them – and I realized that we were ALL SINGLE!!! It made absolutely no sense to me. I surmised that the problem was in living in LA-LA land which is full of EXTREMELY delusional men that are always searching for “the next best thing”. They always think that there is someone better around the corner and if they commit to just one woman, they are going to somehow miss out. Can you say, damaged little boys in pseudo grown mens bodies! Geez!!! It would be different if they all looked like Brad Pitt or Denzel and they had that attitude, but trust, they did not. The most troll-looking mofos had the same belief system. Crazy thing was, women in LA-LA land are so desperate for love or to “be discovered” that they completely eliminate anything that even looks like a standard and they very willingly, sometimes fight to be with the trolls. A woman like me that holds herself in very high regard and has a very clear cut set of standards for the man in her life will be spending weekend nights alone or going out with the girls all the time. Trust me on that one! So, I decided that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result was pretty damn stupid, so I began to look for alternative places to live. If the mountain won’t come to Mohammed, then Mohammed will go to the mountain! There had to be a city that I could live in that met my criteria: great weather, awesome people, great energy, lots of singles, culture, individuality is celebrated, not racist, lots of wealthy people, hot dudes and cool chicks. Aside from LA, that meant Austin for me. I had been to Texas and Austin many times and the vibe I got was that men in that part of the country are more “relationship minded”. You always see tons of people getting married and starting families. In the 10 years that I lived in LA, I never attended one damn wedding!! I do not know anyone that got married. How damn crazy is that?!!?! I decided to move to Austin, but the time was not right. In my heart, I knew I had more to accomplish/experience in LA and I was right. It was a full 3 years later, in July 2009, that The Universe let me know that it was time to come to Austin and meet my man!!! Yee-Haw Ya’ll!!!!

In getting settled here, aside from finding a place to live, I was laser focused on building a pool of lots of guys to date. I decided to use my marketing expertise to advertise my availability and to meet some dudes. I used many methods to meet guys, including one month on Match.com…. I got off after a month because online dating sucks and it is too tedious for me. It was, however, the most effective way to get some big numbers of men to screen thru. I started dating my 2nd week, with the goal of having 2-3 dates a week. Keep in mind that in LA, if I had 3-4 dates in a year, it was a damn miracle! After being here for 6 weeks now, I have dated approx. 8 guys and I have double digits in escrow waiting to schedule time with me. I had to make a spreadsheet to track them. I’m following author Myreah Moore’s advice in her book, ‘Date Like A Man: What Men Know About Dating and Are Afraid You’ll Find Out’. It is her “Pair-and-a-Spare” strategy. I’m really loving meeting all types of different men that are all cool in their own way. BTW…just for clarification, dating does not mean have sex with. If you are single and dating and want to become serious with the dude, then you might want to keep the coochie on lock until you get some level of commitment. If you do want to get-your-freak-on, then get you a FWB (friend with benefits) and keep it on the downlow. Not saying I do this…it’s just a suggestion for those that might be taking notes. The lesson in this for all of you single ladies out there that are complaining that you cannot find a man, consider changing your location to a place where the odds are in your favor! Don’t keep going to the same dry ass well expecting to quench your thirst!

Sidebar: Also, please make sure you have “DONE THE WORK” on yourself before you begin to realistically expect that you will attract your soulmate. If you have “issues” then deal with that sh*t and stop dragging your same old trunk full of hurt/betrayal/anger/bullshit into your next relationship. Let it go, clear your heart and attract the Love you deserve. Take your big-girl pill, get the help you need to release your sh*t and release yourself from the shackles of your issues! Two amazing self-development resources I highly recommend are: psiseminars.com… and www.landmarkeducation.com…. I have gone thru Psi Seminars and the Woman that I am today vs. the girl/pseudo woman that I was 5 years ago when this journey started is absolutely incredible! Also, I suggest you get your Spiritual house in order. Just a suggestion.

In doing all of this dating, I am learning a lot about myself. I used to have major rejection issues and would be hurt if someone decided they didn’t want to date me. Not any longer, thank God. Mama dealt with that issue! Now, I have given very clear instructions to The Universe that if a guy is not into me and does not want to see me, then please, effortlessly allow him to self-select himself out of my life with a quickness. I then tell God “Thank You for keeping the space clear in my life for my Soulmate when you are ready to reveal him to me.”. This stance allows me to operate from a position of peace and power. It feels good.

I have also become very clear in what I want in a man and I have defined it in my soulmate list. The aspects of a man that I once deemed so important and non-negotiable are not that way any longer. I’ve eliminated all notion of what “package” my soulmate should come in. The whole “tall, dark and handsome” criteria is a nice-to-have, but it doesn’t really matter. I find myself being mysteriously drawn to men that are completely the opposite of what I would choose if the picking were up to me. This feels wonderful! Anyway, I’m rambling. I’ll do more posts on this topic as new and exciting things come up. In the meantime, enjoy this video. Even though it looks a bit silly, the knowledge they are dropping is the truth!! Enjoy!

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Seeking Your Soulmate? Use The Secret – Attract love and become soulmate-ready through intentional thoughts and actions.

Okay guys, here is the real-deal Holyfield recommendation/advice from The Dating Diva!! Ya’ll like my new nickname? I think it fits. Anyway, I just wanted to fill you in on an amazing resource that found it’s way into my life that REALLY helped me get clear about what I want in a Soulmate. I actually “borrowed” this book from the house of one of the guys I recently dated and I literally could not put the book down. Arielle Ford is amazing in her ability to very clearly help you to utilize the power of intention and attraction to find your soulmate. It’s just another tool in my arsenal. I’m following the steps and so far, so good!!! I’m amazed at the caliber of man I am attracting and how much FUN I am having now with the process of dating. I have been able to release the self-induced pressure I placed my self and allow things to flow as they will.

My biggest aha from the book was my need to rewrite my soulmate list I wrote 2 years ago. I pulled it out and can ya’ll believe that mofo was 3 pages, FRONT AND BACK!!! WTH?!?! No damn wonder I’m still single. Geez! The book allowed me to become clear about listing my non-negotiables in what I want in a soulmate. Before, I had listed the whole damn kitchen sink. My first attempt at a rewrite allowed me to get down to one page – still front and back! Arrrrrrrrgh… After a lot of prayer, I was able to get it down to what it is now…one page- front only. I love the qualities of what I am looking for. Reading my list fills my heart with love and keeps me in that space. It feels REALLY GOOD! Having one page also allows The Universe to use a net instead of a damn Dixie Cup to find my soulmate, LOL!!

Anyway, enjoy the video and if you decide to buy Arielle Ford’s book, and I highly suggest that you do, please use my link below. Namaste!

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